Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Position Of Stalker Has Been Filled

I've had some creepy people pass through my life.

The worst one was probably the guy from my freshman year of college. He sent me cookies, called my dorm room often, and "playfully" told me he was outside my building and staring at my window.


He also emailed me a few years later to tell me his wife was divorcing him, and he was single and ready to mingle.

I was so glad when the college finally put password protection on its website and gave us filter options for email accounts.
(I have to keep my big, strong brother around to protect me.)

The last few years have been relatively stalker-free, so I was a little surprised by my encounter yesterday with a grocery store employee.

I pulled my car into a parking space so I could head over to Subway, which was right next store to the supermarket. As I opened my door, a grocery store employee at the cart return called out, "Oh! It's you!"

"Uh, yes," I responded, uncertain how to act in this strange display of customer recognition.

"I haven't seen you in forever! It's so good to see you! How have you been? I didn't know you got a new car!"

How does he know this car is new? Why does he care? This doesn't seem like a customer service strategy, this just seems creeeeeepy.

"Yep. New car. I'm good."

I backed away slowly as I spoke, which apparently is nonverbal for "Come closer! I want to talk to you!" because Cart Guy's face brightened and he started walking in my direction while babbling more excitement over seeing me.

I smiled -- okay, I bared my teeth -- and I threw a "goodbye" over my shoulder as I turned and nearly ran into Subway.

Is it possible that Cart Guy is trying to be friendly? Maybe he doesn't have a Social Cues Reader?

I'm too pretty for this.


Zorah said...

Walk towards them. It shows confidence and dominance (in a non-kinky way). I swear, it works.

Sara said...

AAAHHHH, no thank you!

Hopefully, Cart Guy just returned to work from his eye appointment and his pupils were still dilated.

Or maybe he was a giant bag of nutter butter and you did well by hurrying into a sandwich shop.

Either way, you are correct.

Far too pretty.

One Sassy Girl said...

Ha ha! Sadly, he crossed the line between endearing and freakfest. Poor schmuck.

Sid Prince said...

OK - reformed stalker wannabe opinion here:

A) dress...Hello!

2) College guy was definitely a stalker. No question. His wife got tired of him stalking the neighbors and divorced him. The last straw was finding him standing outside Mrs. Petunia, the church organist's, window singing "Take these broken wings..."

Thirdly) Not so sure about cart guy. I've run into several who have disabilities (mental), and sometimes they just like to talk to nice people. The key is the lack of understanding body language. Even stalkers understand what a frightened look and walking away slowly means. You only get pepper-sprayed once in this line of work. Then you've learned.

Also) Ummm...the red dress....Hello!

and E) Seriously. Hello. Hi. Hey. G'day....sorry, I'm babbling Red Dress...I mean...Christina.

Darn it.


Anonymous said...

Okay, that's just too creepy.

Do you have a different Subway in your area? If so I'd definitely not go back to that one again.