Me And My Straight Teeth

Last week, a friend and I arranged to get together and make dinner. We hadn't seen one another in a long time and were looking forward to catching up.

She reminded me of a story I knew I had to tell all of you, because it really IS a "too pretty" moment.

My aforementioned friend hosted a birthday bash in early March. I knew her and a few of her friends, but having lived out of state for eight years, this wasn't a gathering of my closest and dearest.

Halfway through the evening, I was chit chatting on a couch with a few other people when I was targeted as an object of flirtation. Guy comes over, leans suavely on the back of the couch, and says:

"You have really straight teeth."

Me and my straight teeth.

What? Dude, if you want to use a memorable line, make sure it's memorable because I'm flattered and not because you come across like a moron.

I smile my tight-lipped I'm-pretending-to-be-nice smile, and told him my former orthodontist would be happy to hear it.

Since his first line didn't go over well, this guy reached into his bag of pick-up tricks for the next winner:

"You know, you look just like that girl from Sex and the City!"

Now I'm irritated, and decide that my good friend will either forgive me or stop inviting me to these things if I misbehave.

"Are you calling me a SLUT?" came the shrill response.

"What?! No, no... I meant that girl in the show! The one with the curly hair and shoes!" The guy fumbles, unsure why I'm not thrilled the way Dating for Dummies said I would be upon mention of Every Girl's Favorite Show.

"Well, now I know which slut you're comparing me to, so I guess that's good," I say, mentally adding that she's the one who cheated on Aidan and looks like a horse. "But she's not even one of the pretty ones."

"Uh..." he stutters, looking around desperately for help. His Ed Hardy-clad friends had vaporized, apparently, because he was all alone.

I took pity on his poor soul, and just turned around and began a conversation with a stunned onlooker. But I felt warm and fuzzy on the inside, which is what happens when you teach someone something valuable and improve their lives. Like Helen Keller's teacher, Annie Sullivan, or even Ron Clark today... same thing. This is what fulfills us.

Once an educator, always an educator.

I Would Text You Some Love

Aww, you all are so great!

I've been MIA the last few days because I started my new job on Wednesday, and have been busy trying to learn huge yachts of information... and then meeting up with friends after work. This is because 1) they all want to hang out now that I'm working nearby, and 2) they are worried that I will get lost on my way home from work and want to make sure I know where I'm going.

So it was AWESOME to return to this blog and, instead of dead desert with tumbleweeds rolling across the page, see all your encouraging comments. Thank you!

This would be much more impressive if I'd flipped the picture so you could read the text. Now you're going to have to try holding your screen up to a mirror or something.

About the new job: I'm conflicted about how much I should talk about it here. Not because I want to say bad things (I don't!), but because I want to take some time to decide how I'll define boundaries. I did that with my posts about teaching, too.

If you want to know the bare bones, you can get LinkedIn (shameless, but come on... you know you want to be professionally networked to me) and see where I'm working and my job title. To give that skeleton a tiny bit of cartilage, a lot of what I'll do every day involves writing, talking to people, and coming up with (hopefully) good ideas... fun stuff. Stuff I like to do even when I'm not getting paid.

How are all of you doing? Tell me in the comments! I'm trying to get caught up on reading all your blogs/Twitters/novels/etc., but even a teeny update would make me happiest of all Christinas.

I Think I'm A Flamingo

I've always liked the word "quirky."

It sounds fun and much more positive than "weird." And it's younger than "eccentric," which is my eventual life adjective goal.

Today I read a post by Glen Stansberry over at LifeDev.net about embracing the things that make a person unique. I admitted, in the comments and on Twitter, that lately I've been making zombie noises when I get frustrated (so basically a CONSTANT soundtrack of the undead).

And here, I reveal exclusively to you Too Pretty readers that I noticed that when I shower, I turn into a flamingo and insist upon standing on one leg. Sometimes I switch, but never do I have both legs supporting me at once. Safety first? Obviously not.

Another quirk? Taking super cheesy pictures... WHILE STANDING ON ONE LEG!

There is a part of me that does not want to embrace those quirks. Another part of me that sounds a lot like my brain says embracing the weirdness doesn't necessarily entail admitting to it on the internets. So why am I?

Because this is who I am.

And because I once got advice from someone much wiser than me when we spoke about the possibility of my non-acceptance into the doctoral program of my dreams. I explained how I was worried that maybe my area of study didn't fit the "theme" the selection committee had that year, and maybe they'd snicker at such a Scandinavian-named girl coming in wanting to research Jewish visual rhetoric.

"If those things are true, but you were accepted anyway, is that a place where you could thrive?" she asked.

I blinked uncomprehendingly. "What do you mean?"

"If their goal is to reproduce scholars similar to themselves, then they will do so and select the candidates they think best suited for that goal. But if they want to invest in students who will go out and find their own unique niches, they will again work to find candidates who are suited to do so. What kind of student and scholar would you prefer to be?"

"Well, obviously the second kind."

"Then whether or not you're accepted, it sounds like it will be the best situation for you."

Which is another way of saying that my quirks not only make it easier to pick me out of a crowd of bland, but they also work as a filter to protect me from people and situations and haircuts that aren't going to help. I just need to love my quirks and let them live in my life.

I guess admitting to a few of them is my first step.
===

I miss you all! So jump into the comments, say hello, and tell me about the quirks you're embracing.

Top 10 Too Pretty Posts of 2009

You know I'm not a resolutions girl, but I am all for Best Of compilations. So that's what we're doing today: celebrating the year's best Too Pretty posts.


What has been popular in 2009 around here? According to Google Analytics...

Why Am I Too Pretty For This? It's a good question.

A Week of Slight Improvements Apparently, I'm not the only one who avoids anything BUT baby steps.

3 Things You Can Do Today to Communicate Better If you're a regular reader, you know I like the number three.

What Daydreams Revealed It wasn't quite what I expected.

More Than a Haircut Donating my locks wasn't what I expected.

The Power of Hair We women like our hair, but I decided to get rid of mine.

PhD in Procrastinating I doubt I'm the only one with this degree.

45 Things That Don't Make Me Gnash My Teeth With a word like "gnash" in the title, how could this not be a popular post?

The Cranky Professor In which I experience a professional dumping.

I'm the Heroine of This Story A story of hardship that ends with the brave Christina eating a donut.

I'll be honest, I'm surprised by some of these Top Tenners (really, my amazing video didn't make it??). What did you enjoy this year? And what would you like to see increase in 2010?

Be Really Good At Being Really Bad

"If you can't be good at something, Christina, you should be really good at being bad at it."

I took my mother's advice to heart.

One time, I knew my tires were low and was hoping to get someone to put air in them for me. So I drove to an auto supply store, and in a wide-eyed, damsel-in-distress fashion, asked where the tire gauges would be and what they looked like.


The guy behind the counter could see he was going to have to be a hero, so he guided me to the tire gauges, explained why I didn't need the most expensive one they carried, and showed me how it worked. After I paid for it, he then demonstrated -- on each of my four tires -- how to test the air pressure.

"So," I asked cautiously, "How does one get air in the tires once you know they're low?"

My new friend explained that he couldn't leave the shop to fill my tires at the gas station across the street, but gave detailed instructions. He hesitated, then asked how far I planned to drive that day.

"Why?"

"Because you have a bald tire. And I mean, it's really bad. I'd be worried that it might blow if you get on the freeway."

Oh, dear. That was a slight problem. It got dealt with, but here are the truths I think this story demonstrates:

If you don't know something, ask. I really didn't know where the tire gauges were, and I didn't know how to use them.

Make it clear that you know someone is doing you a good turn. It made that guy's afternoon that he got to save the day for pretty little me. And I batted my eyes, hung on his every word, and thanked him for his help to let him know his expertise and assistance were appreciated.

Sometimes, you get more than you expected... and that's a good thing. People like to help when help is appreciated. Not only did this guy make sure I bought the most reasonably priced tire gauge, make sure I understood how it worked, and then check all my tires, but he threw in an extra bonus when he told me I was gambling with my life every time I zoomed up to 70 on the interstate.

We both benefited and felt happy about our interaction. All because I was really good at being really bad at something.

5 Songs For Instant Energy

With all the cleaning and packing and goodbyes lately, I've needed music playing constantly. If you're anything like me, the right music can get you moving and energized.

Unfortunately for me, the wrong music can have me watery-eyed and wandering aimlessly around my apartment, a box of Kleenex under one arm and the other shoveling food in my mouth.

Even if you aren't moving, the holidays can be stressful. The end of the school term can be stressful. Hey, LIFE is stressful. So today I thought I'd share with you five songs that give me that extra push into positivity.

Not a Springsteen fan as a general rule, but I love this song.

"I don't think they can handle this!" Oh, but I can.

Is this a surprise?

I've never understood the "shaggy dress," but other than that... it's superb.

Just makes me feel wonderful.

Tell me in the comments: what songs make your day better?

Reflections? Trust Me, I Have Some

December has always been a time of reflection for me. I like to look over the year and see how far I've (hopefully!) come.

But right now, I'm grading. I've been doing it for like four hours straight, and have at least that much more to do today (and I STILL won't be done!). So today's December reflection will default to a familiar theme: I am too pretty for this!

Christina's List of Things That She is Far Too Pretty For

1. I am too pretty to spend to be grading exams that include answers made up of random words strung together -- they are not even sentence fragments!
2. I am too pretty for my efforts at surprising my best friend with a redecorated office to go unappreciated (I moved her desk into the middle of her office when she stepped out for 35 seconds... it was amazing, but amazingly enough she was not impressed. How rude!).
3. I am too pretty to pack my apartment... aren't there fairies who are supposed to take care of that?
4. I am too pretty to break my friend's phone. Oh no wait, I'm not. Sorry.
5. I am too pretty to keep forgetting to eat. Because seriously, skeleton Christina is not pretty and it would be a shame to morph into her just because life is busy and stressful right now.

Okay, that got some of the whine out of my soul. But I reserve the right to add to the list later.

What about you? What are you dealing with today that you are FAR TOO PRETTY for?

If catharsis doesn't work, refer back to the Too Pretty Strategies for Losing the Funk (still giggling over that!).

I'm Stuck On Hump Day

Hump Day?

It must be, because in trying to overcome it I got stuck. I'm sprawled on the hump with no idea how I'm going to find enough energy or momentum to make my way over it.

I have been productive. I remembered to eat. I drank some coffee (okay, a lot of coffee).

It's not the externals that are hindering me. It's all the hang-ups inside of me, all the exhaustion and frustration about life and lack of chocolate in my apartment and oh my gosh I just want to eat carbs all day in my pajamas and watch TV and WHY do I not own a television set?!

I'm working on finding some balance. Part of that is planning the next few weeks in a way that is soothing because I know I can make it all work. Part of that is accepting that I will, in fact, flip out a few times before it works out but it's okay because flipping out is part of the human experience.

It's also part of the mysterious aura of a woman ("Mysterious," because you literally have no idea what version of my personality is going to do something unexplainable next. Whatever.).

Right now at this very moment, I'm just going to sit and type quietly at this little coffee shop. Watch through the window as the rain hits the brick sidewalk. Talk to my friend who kindly met me here to compile lists and spend time before I leave. Breathe deeply.

And then I'll go home for more dinosaur time.

Day Seven: First I Must Breathe

I'm going to get accused of a cop-out. I can feel it.

But if you know me at all, you know this is truly a step toward slight improvement: today, I will make a concerted effort to relax.

For many reasons outside and inside my control, I get stressed out. My eyes glaze over, my neck muscles and veins become unusually defined, and I think I even snarl occasionally. Is any of this helpful? No, of course not. But it's something that just seems to happen, and cheery Care Bear thoughts don't snap me out of it.

So first, I took a few minutes to stretch out on my back and do some deep breathing. This slowed my heart rate (which had been accelerated to stress AND four cups of coffee), helped ease my muscles, and rethink my day.

The second thing I did was head over to Subway to buy a sandwich. Why is this relaxing to me? Because I rarely eat fast food, preferring to eat something healthy and possibly boring at home. But I gave myself permission to eat something easy that I was craving, and now feel soooo much better. Maybe my body needed carbs? Or sliced onions?

The third thing I did to relax was some intrapersonal communication (See, kids? You WILL use some of those terms you learned in speech class!). I had an internal conversation with myself about what was stressing me out today, and how I could make it manageable.

"Christina," I said in my warmest internal voice, "Let's write a list of the things that need to get done, okay?"

"Only if there are checkboxes," I grumped in reply. "I want to make Xs when I'm done with stuff."

"That's a great idea!" my kind, reasonable self enthused. "And if you do one or two of the easier tasks, you're going to feel a sense of accomplishment which might help this stress funk we're in. And remember: you have all day to get this done."

So I'm sitting here at my computer, pecking away and making big black Xs on my checklist. And guess what? Between the extra oxygen in my brain, the onions in my belly, and the joy of listmaking, I am much less stressed.

What do you do to ease stress?

It's the last day of our Week of Slight Improvements! Congratulations to those of you who have stuck it out and those of you who tried. What three things did you work on today? Anything about the week you want to share? Talk to me in the comments!

Day Six: There Are Other People In The World

Today is Day Six of the Week of Slight Improvements, and I'm really glad we've been doing this.

But one thing that's bothered me is that as I write about my meager efforts, the focus tends to be all on me. And that's not really what I intended.

(Yet I use a picture of myself... interesting how I conflict the messages.)

So today's goal is to push some of that attention to people and organizations I think you should know about.

First, people. I could tell you about some of the famous bloggers I read regularly, but I thought you might want to know some of the lesser-known writers who provide me with feedback and encouragement.

Sarah Spelled With No H -- she's just fantastic. She's honest, funny, and has become a venting buddy.

A Hot Piece of Sass -- might one day rule the world, so be her friend now.

Makeup and Beauty Blog -- Karen has a huge following, but still makes time to chit chat with the people who love her... thus perpetuating a cycle of adoration.

Sid Prince Explains -- he's taking a break for NaNoWriMo, but when it's there the writing is great and the author is quick to engage his readers.

Second, causes. There are a lot of great organizations out there that you should know about -- and I have a special place in my heart for Pantene Beautiful Lengths, Locks of Love, and the Susan G. Komen Foundation. But Skip1.org gives you a super easy way to make a difference every day.

Skip1.org PSA from Skip1 on Vimeo.

Third, I want to highlight someone who's living a great story -- and wants to help other people do the same. Check out Chris Guillebeau (yeah, I don't know how to pronounce his last name, either) and his adventures at The Art of Non-Conformity.

But please, let's not end here! Share in the comments people, organizations, movements, stories, whatever that you think are worth some attention. I want to learn something new, too!

Day Five: Good Riddance

Today's goal is one that will be hard for me.

I'm getting rid of stuff.

One of the things I'm removing from my life is the stovetop melted mess. Yes, I still have that. No idea why, since all it does is sit on my countertop and remind me of a rice cooking failure.

"Remember that time you failed as a woman?" it whispers tauntingly.

"Yeah," I respond miserably. Well, no more!


The second thing that's exiting my life is a bag of shoes I don't wear. We're talking years since the last wear. It's time for them to leave my closet and find other feet. I'll be donating those somewhere they'll get some love.

The last thing I'll be giving away are some items I know my friends admire. I don't need them, don't use them, and only have them because I like to own things.

Some of you are probably so bored out of your skull by this list. But getting rid of things is really hard for me. I am looking around my apartment -- and it is FULL and it is currently a MESS -- and I see nothing that needs to leave. Despite knowing many, many people live with far less than what I have, I can't imagine not having every.single.thing here.

So... like I said, this is hard for me. But it's a good beginning in terms of purging my belongings, and I can know that doing so might have benefited a few people in tiny ways.

How are the rest of you doing in your week of slight improvements?

Day Three: And Now I'm Uncomfortable

Note about my video blogs: I know that these are sometimes hit or miss. Today you'll probably be able to tell how stressed I'm feeling. The reason I post video blogs -- flaws and all -- is to just change things up and to let you see into my life a little more. Many of you are sharing your lives and your stories with me, so I'm trying to do the same.

Keep sharing. Talk to me in the comments.

Day Two: Improved By Chocolate

Okay, I have to admit that I'm already really glad that so many of you are doing this Slight Improvement Project with me... because today I did NOT feel like it. But knowing that you were working at it -- and would ask about my efforts -- kept me honest.

I woke up in a bad mood. So it kind of made sense that today was the day I'd work on being nice to people. Ugh.

But here's how I'm making it work: I'm feeding people chocolate.

Mmm, brownies...

Yeah, this looks a lot like the brownies, but it's actually a chocolate genoise... and that Nutella will soon be used to make a mousse. Yum!

These cupcakes are coming with me to a meeting I'm attending in a little while... don't really want to go, but thought food would make it better for everyone.

Not only am I fulfilling my obligation to doing something good three times, but I actually am feeling happier and more kindly toward the world.

Sidenote: That last phrase -- "kindly toward the world" -- immediately made me think of a saint in a medieval icon, with soft doe eyes and gentle hands lifted in blessing. That's not quite how I'm acting yet.

Jealous of the chocolate goodies? Want to tell me about your Day 2? Inspired to send me money? I'd like to hear all of that in the comments.

Day One Of Slightly Improved-ness

Wow, I never expected the kind of feedback I got from yesterday's post. It's awesome that so many of you are going to share this short experiment of self-improvement!

So far, I've written two of the three letters I want to send today. One of them was serious and special, the other was a "hey, let's not lose touch again because we're great people!" kind of email. I know what the third one will be... I'm going to have to break open the notecards and use my very best penmanship. This is kind of fun!

(If I don't stab you in the heart, I might write you a letter with this pen!)

But as I think about the things I want to do later in the week, I feel my inherent laziness kick in.

"Why don't you decide that you will spend extra time on your looks one day?" I suggest to myself.

"You can spend 10 extra minutes on your makeup and hair, do your nails, and buy something new to wear? That's three!"

That sounds like a great idea! Except, wait... I kind of want to do those things anyway. And they are kind of selfish-sounding goals that don't require me to do anything uncomfortable. And I am kind of already good at doing things that aren't uncomfortable.

Hmm.

I'll come up with some semi-virtuous things to do, don't worry. I'll even tell you about them so you know I won't cheat. But for those of you who signed on for the challenge: how is your first day going?

A Week Of Slight Improvements

A conversation last night with a wonderful friend spawned an idea.

It might make me cranky, but I'm hoping it will make me a slightly better person.

Here's what I plan to do for the next week: every day, I will choose one area of my life that I've been meaning to be better about. And then I will be better, three times in a row.

That doesn't make much sense, so let me give you an example.

Lately, I've been swamped with life (excuse alert!), and felt like I've been on my own little hamster wheel. Yes, those are mice. I don't use Google images, though, so the fact that I had a picture of any rodent on a wheel is kind of amazing so suck it up.

My point is, I've been really bad at keeping in touch with people I care about. Tomorrow, I'll fix that by writing three letters, cards, or emails to people who matter to me. The day after that, I will focus on another area of my life that needs a little attention, and so on and so forth.

Got it?

I'm not writing about my project to brag about little good deeds I should already be doing... it's more to keep myself on track. But I would LOVE it if some of you decided to do it with me. We don't have to choose the same things to work on, just commit to a week of baby-step improvements.

Any takers?

PhD In Procrastinating

Today is a day of thoughts that don't connect.

Those in academia probably understand -- with the holidays coming up, grades and projects and deadlines are all coming up at once, which can be stressful. Even if there's no stress, there IS busy-ness.

(Where am I looking? Into the future, of course.)

So today, I've been trying really hard to be productive. I told myself I would finish up an application for a doctoral program I reaaaaaaaaally want to be in. Have I finished it? No. But here is what I have done instead:

I told the owner of a fabulous independent coffee shop that I am loyal to Starbucks. Yes, this communications professor knows her audience! Actually, he asked about my coffee habits, and I explained that my connection to the caffeine giant is many-layered: I'm from Seattle, my grandfather was Jewish (as were many of the early investors), and I appreciate the way they have attempted to look out for employers and customers. I then critiqued their current customer strategies and gave a prediction about the future of the company.

I had a conversation with a former co-worker about the phrase "I'm too pretty for this!" She discovered this site, read where the phrase originated, and heard it pop out her mouth while in conversation a few days ago. Yay! (And if you were wondering... yes, she's definitely too pretty for whatever it was)

My best friend refused (for like the millionth time) to marry the man I've selected for her. And I argued with her, because he's absolutely perfect for this wonderful woman. She insists he looks gourd-like, but I don't think she has any room to quibble over things like that, since she continues to confess love for that collection of wrinkles, Bob Dylan.

I described my love for the program I want to get into in gorgeous metaphor:

"seriously... this school

is like a mink coat for my mind

just unbelievably stunning and perfect

i want to roll around in it and stretch out luxuriously and then flaunt it once i know it's mine

i'm not sure if that makes sense..."
My friend suggested I make that the first paragraph of my admissions essay. Who knows? I might.

So there you have it... what I have and haven't done today. I have a brain that works and is creative but currently refuses any of my suggestions about what it should try doing.

3 Things You Can Do Today To Communicate Better

Yesterday's post sparked some good conversation in the comments section (check it out here), but I realized that just saying communication is something worth improving isn't the same as doing it.

(photo taken by Rick O'Neil)

Since I work in the field, I thought I might be able to help. I've written ad copy, radio scripts, fundraising letters... built and maintained donor relationships... edited and written for websites of every stripe... and currently teach public speaking and interpersonal communication at the university level. So while I don't pretend to know everything, I do know a few things.

If -- like me -- you're always looking for ways to learn and grow, here are three things you can start doing right now to be a better communicator.

1. Listen. Maybe it seems counterintuitive, but effective communication can only occur when all the participants feel heard. Many arguments aren't based on real disagreement -- they're based on misperceptions about what you think someone else meant (and didn't mean at all). If you take the time to listen -- without multitasking and trying to decide what you'll say when it's your turn -- you're going to be a better communicator.

2. Ask questions. You have to actually do Step 1 before you can do this one, because otherwise you won't have any material to ask about (I'm so tricky). But once you start listening and wanting to understand someone else, you're going to demonstrate interest by asking follow-up questions. You know you love it when people want to know more about your kids, your painting, your (fill in the passion blank)... so why not be the person you love talking to?

3. Be mindful. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines "mindfulness" two ways: "bearing in mind" and "to be aware." When you're in conversation, other people won't say everything they mean. But if you "bear in mind" and work "to be aware," you might catch the slight pause or wet eyelashes that indicate a deeper meaning to the words he or she is saying. Those tiny elements can radically change the meaning -- and the direction -- of the conversation.

"Hey!" you might be saying. "You gave me three tips to communicate better, but none of them involve ME saying a word!"

Yep. That's right.

The Phantom Texter

Seconds after I posted yesterday's list of things I'm too pretty for, I could've added to the list.

Why? Because of this text message:

"I have a question!"

I didn't recognize the number and it wasn't programmed into my phone... but the Seattle prefix encouraged me to give whoever it was the benefit of the doubt:

"Okay. I don't have you programmed in my phone."

That's when it got weird...

"I know. We've never met and probably never will, but I've had your number in my phone for awhile (Trish gave it to me). My question is do you want to get to know someone new?"

I immediately texted Trish asking who she was giving my number out to, and she had no clue who this person could be. Meanwhile, my new buddy texts again:

"If not I will delete your number and you won't hear from me again."

Maybe I should've told him to go ahead and delete, but I wanted to know who this person was. I've had my share of creepiness in life, and knowledge goes a long way to being able to sleep at night.

"You're kind of creeping me out since you won't tell me who you are."

"I never said I wouldn't tell you who I am. My name is Ryan Pierce. I live in Seattle, Washington, I'm 26, and obviously a little random."

Trish was questioned, she admitted she knew him, and told me he was the same guy who, two years ago, had wanted to fly across the country, drive eight hours from the airport, and take me out to dinner. His devotion was inspired by pictures he'd seen in her apartment that were probably much like this one:

(Yuck. It might actually be this one for all I know.)

So... according to our calculations, Trish and I estimate Ryan has had my phone number for two years and is just now choosing to use it. Awesome.

"That's probably not his smartest idea," Trish uneasily admitted.

I responded nicely since he's still a part of her life, but said no thanks to this new friendship.

I'm too pretty for these things to keep happening...


P.S. I change names. I'm not quite so heartless to tell damning stories with real ones.

Statement Of Purpose

Today I was confronted with a challenge.

"Statement of Purpose: Focus on the fit between your intellectual interests and research training with the course and research opportunities at Prestigious School for Communication."

This made me pause. Firstly, because I haven't had to write using my expensive, academic, master's degree vocabulary lately. Those hard-earned words are important to incorporate, because doctoral programs tend to shy away from accepting the un-smart. The second reason I paused was because it struck me how rarely we state to ourselves our own purpose.

If I were to follow the instructions above, modified to apply to everyday life, what would I say was my purpose? How would I relate my past and current activities, interests, and work to what I hope to accomplish in the future?

It's difficult to say, because goals -- like so much of life -- are fluid and ever-changing, at least for me. I don't always act methodically toward them because I don't know if they'll still exist when I get to them. So many vanish the closer I approach.

BUT here's the thing: I think the question is worth asking, even if the answer isn't entirely clear.

I don't have an answer completely formed yet... but asking the right question is half the battle. It gets me thinking in a productive direction.

This is my modified Statement of Purpose question:

How do your current passions, skills, and pursuits prepare and guide you to the life you want?

I'm still working on my answer. Do you have one?

A Bad Strategy? Having No Strategy

Yesterday was a tiring day.

Sometimes a day feels that way because you wake up still exhausted, but I didn't. I wasn't exactly a ray of sunshine, but I was rested. What set the tone for me was something that happened at 7:35 a.m., right before I began teaching class.

"Uh, Ms. Olson?"

I looked up from my computer and all the cords I was trying to attach to it to make it work. "Yes, Anonymous Student?"

He slid a paper across the podium toward me, and said, "Here's my assignment that was due Friday. I didn't bring it in because I couldn't get out of bed."

My jaw must've dropped open as I stared, because the blank eyes began to shift nervously. "You... couldn't get out of bed? You mean you didn't want to wake up in time for class and you're telling me that's why this assignment is late?"

"Well, I couldn't get out of bed."

"You were sick, then?"

"No, I just couldn't make myself get out of bed."

"So you want me to take your assignment... even though I don't accept late assignments... because you didn't feel like getting up on Friday?"

"Uh..."

"This is advice. It's a freebie. If you want to persuade a professor to accept a late assignment, telling her that the reason it's late is because you were too lazy or didn't think it was important enough to get out of bed to turn it in is not a good idea."

My goal was not to teach this student to be deceptive or lie, but to communicate thoughtfully. He's an extreme example, but lots of people talk without any clear goal or strategy. Then they wonder why they don't get what they want.

Other classroom examples include students who try to argue their way to the grade they want (or my favorite: getting a parent to do that), or students who want grace with absences though they've been less than gracious in the classroom all semester. What's sad is that many of these students may never grasp that they're hurting themselves, and will take these behaviors into their future careers and relationships.

Where is the disconnect? It's that they don't have a communication strategy.

So while my students may never read this post... and people who need to read may never identify themselves as needing it... this is my very basic step-by-step for communicating with strategy.
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First, one needs to employ a dual perspective. This means that a person can see that someone else has different ideas, ways of understanding information, and values systems by which to evaluate. It's important in communication to see how other people differ from ourselves in their perspectives.

Second, identify goals. What are you attempting to accomplish through the conversation? A student might want a late assignment accepted, or at work you might be lobbying for more flexibility so you can work from home. So that's your goal, but what might the goals be of the person you must persuade? Is there a way to acknowledge those goals, and show that your goals could coincide?

Third, approach the communication situation in a way that's comfortable for the other person. My student could've tried coming to me after class, when I make time to talk and answer questions. If he'd done so, he would've had time to explain extenuating circumstances (if there were any). Because he asked me before class when there wasn't a lot of time, I made a decision quickly -- and that rarely favors the asker.

Fourth, go ahead and communicate! But asking for something right off the bat often triggers a defensive response that equals "no," so make it clear before you begin asking that you understand the concerns and goals of the other person. It will help him or her to be more open-minded about the request.
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Do you have anything to add to these steps? I think it's a good start, but I know I have smart readers. Tell me what you think in the comments!