Eight Inches Make A Difference

Guess who has brand new mom hair?

Sorry for the facial expression. There's an unwritten rule about how many self photos you can take in a Starbucks before people stop pretending they don't notice. I was perilously close to the limit and couldn't take another.

That's right, this lady right here. And while I'm really annoyed with the salon that didn't book enough time for my appointment (I told them I was donating my waist length curly hair and might need extra seat time) and the stylist who didn't listen to what I asked for or look at the photos I provided, it isn't entirely bad.

Why?

Because according to the National Cancer Institute, 774,370 women will be diagnosed with cancer by the end of this year. It's a terrifying journey to find oneself on -- and in addition to the stress of diagnosis, treatment, and debilitating medical expenses, many of these women wake up every morning to a new face in the mirror, one they don't recognize.

I'm good at a handful of things, but science and doctor-y things haven't ever made the list. I am good at growing thick strong hair (thanks, Greek ancestors!). So yesterday I went in and had eight inches of my locks chopped off, walked out with a bag of hair (creepy), and tomorrow will mail it to Pantene Beautiful Lengths. Along with donations from about five other women, it will be made into a wig for one woman fighting the hardest battle of her life.

So while my hair looks like a small town newscaster's, I know someone else is going to end up with some great hair days. That makes it okay.

Curious about hair donation? Read my guest post from 2009, Frizz for a Cause, over on MakeupAndBeautyBlog.com.

Helpful Phrases For Small Talk Scenarios

Chit chat. Small talk. It serves a purpose, but there's a reason it makes us yawn and roll our eyes when we think about it. All you're doing is saying the same thing each time, and wasting the precious brain cells you still have by uttering inane comments.

Here is my gift to you: a series of responses that you can memorize and use, allowing your brain to focus on quantum physics or the last episode of Dance Moms. Also, if you get the delivery right, you won't have to worry about making small talk much longer.

Please note: while these are conversations I often have, your experience may vary -- so please feel free to adapt them.

"How are you doing today?"
"[fill in long explanation with unnecessary details and tears]"

"What are your plans for this afternoon?"
See above.

"Your hair is amazing!"
"That's what I said to the last owner."

"You're kind of conceited."
"Yes."

"What great weather we're having!"
"It's a trap -- they want you lulled into a false sense of security before they unleash the zombies."

"Would you like the ravioli packaged to go?"
"No, I plan to grill it immediately -- I hear it tastes best that way."

"So what do you do for a living?"
"I've found eating food and sleeping regularly to be highly successful for me."

"Is that debit or credit?"
"Klout, actually."

"Hi, my name is [name]. It's so great to meet you!"
"It's great to meet you, too. Good thing I won't remember your name, so we can do this again."


Okay, so my idea of "small talk" extends to nearly "all talk." But I find the above responses infinitely helpful in sparing my brain the pain of ordinary responses. Tell me in the comments -- what do you (or have you) said in a common chit chat scenario?

Top 10 Too Pretty Posts of 2009

You know I'm not a resolutions girl, but I am all for Best Of compilations. So that's what we're doing today: celebrating the year's best Too Pretty posts.


What has been popular in 2009 around here? According to Google Analytics...

Why Am I Too Pretty For This? It's a good question.

A Week of Slight Improvements Apparently, I'm not the only one who avoids anything BUT baby steps.

3 Things You Can Do Today to Communicate Better If you're a regular reader, you know I like the number three.

What Daydreams Revealed It wasn't quite what I expected.

More Than a Haircut Donating my locks wasn't what I expected.

The Power of Hair We women like our hair, but I decided to get rid of mine.

PhD in Procrastinating I doubt I'm the only one with this degree.

45 Things That Don't Make Me Gnash My Teeth With a word like "gnash" in the title, how could this not be a popular post?

The Cranky Professor In which I experience a professional dumping.

I'm the Heroine of This Story A story of hardship that ends with the brave Christina eating a donut.

I'll be honest, I'm surprised by some of these Top Tenners (really, my amazing video didn't make it??). What did you enjoy this year? And what would you like to see increase in 2010?

The Glamorous Life?

This past Monday I told you I was going to work on adding some glamor to my life.

It wasn't as if I planned on transforming into Marilyn Monroe (because there was this one time I just tried to imitate her and instead of looking gorgeous while holding down a billowing skirt, I looked like I was touching myself in public... not okay). I was actually just trying to prevent myself from turning into Liz Lemon.

I documented the week in pictures, so let's take a look together, shall we?
You can't see it, but I'm also wearing grey skinny jeans and knee-high black leather boots. Does that aid the glamor factor or make it a hooker-worthy ensemble?


The Glamorous: outfit looked pulled-together (and I was later validated by seeing a similar outfit worn by Maegan of LoveMaegan.com).

The Not-so-glamorous: having friends flip through iPhone pictures and demand to know why you're taking pictures of yourself in a Starbucks bathroom.

The point was to showcase the bright red lips I sported all day. Instead, you can see I was pre-gaming Thanksgiving dinner with lots of pasta, cookies, and snacks. And that I would never make it as a model with those weird faces I make.

Ahh, Thanksgiving. I thought plaid seemed "American" enough to wear to celebrate. It seems that I also wore food on my shirt to celebrate (some sweet potato casserole leaked on me during transport).

This is definitely not glamorous.

Yeah, even the second picture of me is all like, "Are you serious, Picture One?"

Last day (today), and looking down at this snap made me feel like I didn't accomplished my goal. What I did accomplish was 1) putting more effort into my appearance, 2) trying a few things I wouldn't normally (was surprised to like the red lips), and 3) thought about some of the glamorous people I know.

My friend Meng, for example. She is gorgeous enough to be a movie star, it's true, but what draws people to her is a sense of humor, desire to have fun and be silly, and to always make other people feel important.

As I thought about Meng, I said to myself, "I could work on those things... heck, I already have the humor. Maybe I should just work on becoming a better person."

Even though that seemed like a Liz Lemon thing to think, I was okay with it. Maybe being like her isn't really all that bad.

And then I accidentally took this picture.
No more better person crap. I'm on my way to glamorous!

45 Things That Don't Make Me Gnash My Teeth

Yesterday I suggested you take a look at Havi's list of 77 Things That Don't Completely Suck. Today I'm doing my own version, because while it's hard to be actually thankful without pumpkin pie, I can admit there are a few things in life that aren't causing much gnashing of teeth.

Havi poured some lentils into a bowl and they added up to 77. I poured out my bottle of Aleve, and there were 45 pills. So welcome to my list of 45 Things That Don't Make Me Gnash My Teeth.

1. I'm drinking a soy peppermint mocha.
2. I think I'm recovering from the week-long Festival of Food... my belly is no longer faking a pregnancy.
3. The Nutella cream pie I made yesterday went over well.
4. The turkey I helped my friend Laura cook turned out really well. Minor miracle, since neither of us really had any idea what we were doing. We wore gloves and disinfected with Clorox wipes all day.
5. I watched TV yesterday for the first time in forever... oh my gosh I love commercials and Myth Busters.
6. When I tell people I'm moving, they're all sad and teary and asking when I'm coming back to visit (unless they're west coast friends... those ones cheer and demand we start scheduling the next six months of fun-ness).
7. The idea of moving has made me start appreciating some aspects of this town I took for granted.
8. Like traffic that doesn't suck all the time.
9. Like warm weather in November (high 70s? yes, please).
10. Like being able to drive no more than 15 minutes if I want to see friends.
11. Like getting coffee with former professors so I can retain some of my academic brain cells.
12. I have fantastic glasses.
13. My hair is really amazing, too. Because I'm being honest here.
14. People like Laura make me happy because when I went over to her house to help her cook a turkey, she met me at the door with a horrified look on her face and told me that turkeys were gross and I'd be the one handling the corpse and taking out the innards but she had gloves for me to wear. And she took pictures.
15. She also gave me toothpicks so I could stab the neck flaps of the turkey together. That was nice.
16. Laura is also the kind of person you can call when you're sad. She will tell you nice things or feed you.
17. Amy is another good friend, and she will tell you nice things but not always in the gushiest and nicest way... so you know you can trust what she says.
18. I also got a great text message last night wishing me a happy Thanksgiving while simultaneously calling me a hooker. That made me smile.
19. Trevor promises to wear a light-up Christmas sweater in public. Do I have to explain why that is wonderful?
20. Ashley promised me that I will always have a job as a carnie if I need one. She also is teaching me the proper vocabulary for that profession.
21. I still have a lot of cookies in my kitchen.
22. There are people who understand my sense of humor (that is far from being everyone).
23. I've just been informed that understanding my sense of humor takes some practice... so that means that for the people who do get me, they're willing to put in the effort. That's kind of awesome. It's probably because of my hair.
24. I have small ears. I'm really glad about that.
25. I won the first round of Pit the other night. I hate that game, I didn't want to play that game, so victory was twice as sweet.
    
26. There is a sequel to "The Hunger Games" that I didn't know about until recently. I'm going to read it on the flight to Washington.
27. Tonight is Milkshake Night.
28. I assign homework. While grading isn't fun, it's more fun to be the teacher who evilly gives out projects before the holidays than the students who have to do them. Bwahaha.
29. It's nice that I haven't had to birth a child. Teleporting them out of womb: that is the way of the future.
30. I am wearing "nice clothes" from the waist up, and pajamas from the waist down. This is kind of my uniform unless I'm in a classroom.
31. Puppy play-time yesterday was fun.
32. On Sunday, I discovered I'd lost some weight... making me the lightest I've been in about a year, and thinner than is a good idea. This doesn't make me gnash my teeth because it happened right before the Thanksgiving Stuff-a-thon, so now it's like I'm normal even though I ate enough for a small country.
33. The Book of Revelation fell out of my Bible. I've never really understood or liked it, so now I don't have to worry about it anymore.
34. I have a dishwasher.
35. Oooh, project that I'm completely excited about! Wish it had been my idea, but thrilled that someone thought I'd be a good addition to the Top Secret Team of Awesomeness.
    
36. The heat came on just now, which is utterly fantastic because I was thinking about how I was probably going to curl up and fall asleep and die of hypothermia. That is what made more sense than me putting on more clothes or turning up the thermostat.
37. Shoes.
38. The painting I have of my Grandpa Jack dancing with my two-year-old self at a wedding.
39. Hearing from readers, friends, or stalkers (or all of the above) that something rotten was going on, and out of the angry soul bubbled up the words, "I am too pretty for this!" Good to know I helped out.
    
40. Blackened chicken pasta. Yum.
41. Equally good in an entirely different way: weird dream-inducing kosher dogs at The Weenie Stand.
42. Blog comments (especially ones like what Sara wrote on yesterday's post). If you write, you know what I mean.
    
43. Sleeping in on Black Friday. I don't need anything that much.
44. No "work" this week. Again, a benefit of teaching.
45. I have a smartphone that is smarter than me (one day, when it starts mocking me, I will be sorry I ever bought it).

Are there other things that might qualify as gnashing-less? Sure. I'll probably think of them later, and I'll probably wonder why in the world I included my ears on this list. But that's okay, because it isn't definitive, this isn't Thanksgiving, and it's all true right now.

What about you? Anything that doesn't completely suck or definitely doesn't make you gnash your teeth?

Friday Firsts

Hey, look at this! It's a video blog!

It's weird hearing my own voice and watching myself speak. I sound a lot tougher in my head than the priss in the video.

Too Pretty readers, please head over to Makeup and Beauty Blog if you haven't already done so, and take a look around. Yes, because I'm there, but also because Karen's a fantastic blogger you should get to know.

For those of you who are new to TooPrettyForThis.com, here are those links I promised you!

Too Pretty Stories

• Why Am I Too Pretty For This?
• No More Ironing
• The Phantom Texter

Background: Why I Donated My Hair

• The Power of Hair
• It's Happening
• Frizz on Purpose
• More Than a Haircut
  

Hope all of you are having a great Friday! Can't wait to hear about everyone's Halloween!

Thank You

Technology hasn't been my friend today, so I apologize that I made you wait for a post. It isn't the one I planned, but it's necessary just the same.

Thank you.

Thank you for visiting my website. For reading, for commenting, for passing it on to others. Some nice person submitted TooPrettyForThis.com to a site aggregator that apparently loved it -- lots of hits yesterday! Thank you, whoever you are.

Thank you everyone who supported me, loved me, and encouraged me through the hair donation.

Thank you to my friends, family, and mentors who have told me to keep writing.

Thank you to those who have started following me on Twitter, became a fan on Facebook, LinkedIn me, or just emailed to say something nice.

I don't think you know how much those things mean to me. They mean a lot.

So thank you.

More Than A Haircut

I did it.

I was so afraid I'd burst into tears and make myself look like a big baby. I mean, it's just a hair cut, right?

Except that for the past several years, that's what people noticed and complimented. Whenever I mentioned the possibility of cutting it, an overwhelming outcry broke out -- sometimes coming from people I barely knew -- saying I should keep my long curly locks.

Sometimes that made me want to chop just to remind everyone who owned this hair, but I never did. I got attached to it, and finally had the princess hair I always wanted.

But I wasn't prepared for the dread I felt when I finally decided it was time to donate. The identity I've built for myself has included long hair for years, and now I was suddenly going to be one of those shoulder-length girls.

There's so many of them.

My friend Renee comforted me on the drive to the salon this morning, reminding me that while my hair might be less eye-catching, I still have my signature big glasses. And while talking to her, it occurred to me that in a very small way, this is probably what my friend Marie meant when she said her identity changed when she lost her hair.

Except for one big difference: cancer stole that from her. I was choosing to give mine to spare an already-hurting person from a tiny portion of that experience.

I stopped whining.
And I experienced joy.Goodbye, hair.

Frizz On Purpose

I'm frizzing my hair.

Why on earth would someone do that? you ask in [understandable] bewilderment.

Because tomorrow I'm donating my hair (gulp), and one of the many things required is that mine have no product on it. I wasn't sure if conditioner counted (since it coats the hair and leaves a smoothing film), so I didn't even use that. Now it's all air-drying into a puffy, frizzy mess.
You can see how I feel about THAT.

It's worth it. And I'm glad I can do this for someone who's going through so much.

Not everyone wants to grow their hair to their butt and then chop it off (today is the last day I'll have to use huge handfuls of shampoo!), but that doesn't mean you can't make a difference. Over at Makeup and Beauty Blog, Karen is matching donations you make to the Susan G. Komen Foundation. If you were thinking of giving, this is a great way to do it.

UPDATE: The salon asked me to straighten my hair ahead of time because it's SO curly, SO long, and SO thick. After an hour with the straightener, this is the result: Now you know why hair product is vital if one doesn't intend to look like a furry creature.

Still worth it...

It's Happening

My hair is scheduled to be chopped off this Friday. I'm happy that I'm doing this... but I'm also many other things:

• Impatient ("Let's get rid of it NOW!")
• Scared ("I'm going to look fat now! My hair balances out my hips!")
• Excited ("No more headaches, neck aches, or back aches from wearing a ponytail!")
• Cost-conscious ("I'm going to save sooooo much money on shampoo and conditioner!")
• Self-congratulating ("Some cancer patient is going to have beeeyootiful hair... good job, Christina!")
• Melodramatic ("My one beauty -- gone!")

The list could go on, but you get the point. I have mixed feelings, even though I know it's a good thing.

The Power Of Hair

As you probably noticed yesterday, my hair has a lot of personality.


It has attitude. It does what it wants. I can only make a few suggestions each morning about things I'd like it to do. Begging, pleading, teasing, purchasing expensive hair products -- none of it matters. The final decision is never mine.

Some of you might have a love/hate relationships with your hair, too. Isn't it strange how a good hair day can give you almost superhuman confidence, and a bad haircut justifies buckets of tears?

Story time: When I was a senior in high school, I had hair just beyond my shoulders, and it naturally formed into big bouncy hot-roller curls. So when I went into a salon to get a cut three days before I was supposed to have my senior pictures taken, I expected the stylists to enhance the natural beauty to the point where I'd walk around in a perpetual glow (a la Touched By An Angel -- still on TV back then).

Instead, the stylist chopped my hair into a chin-length blunt cut (GASP! with me -- you curly-haired women know exactly how bad this is!) and left me staring at the mirror with tears trickling down my face. I hadn't seen what she was doing because glasses come off during haircuts, and I'm blind without mine.

I spent the next week crying myself to sleep. My parents spent $300 on senior pictures I didn't want anyone to see.

My point is that I know how bad a bad hair day can be. That's why I'm cutting all of mine off.

Tomorrow is the first day of October, which is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I plan to cut and donate my hair to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program so I can help provide one brave woman with a few good hair days.

My dear friend Marie was only 20 when she was diagnosed with cancer. We talked about the experience once she was in remission, and she said the worst part wasn't the diagnosis, or even the treatment. She said that when she looked in the mirror and her hair was gone, she felt like cancer had stolen her identity. That's when she wept.

So even though I'm a little bit nervous to cut so much hair, I'm going to make an appointment and do it. I'm going to try to show a fragment of bravery, give up part of the physical identity I've created for myself, and help someone else.

I'll try not to cry.

UPDATE: Did I cry? Find out!

Guest Post: Being Pretty

I don't know why everyone thinks I'm so amazing, but let's be honest: they do.

When I enter a room or walk on by, eyes stare and jaws drop. I sway seductively and add a little bounce... yes, I know what I'm doing... and keep going. They're going to watch me as I leave and remember me for days.

Is it my curves that draw men to me? Maybe. It's certainly one reason. But even women can't get enough of my body. Green envy and admiration swirl into a heady concoction that I drink in. I can't help I'm this pretty, and I can't help that everyone wishes they could have me for at least one night.

But it's not always easy being me.

Someone is always trying to make me settle down. I get roped into things that become binding, suffocating, and all I want to do is escape. I've gotten a reputation as being a giant headache, but I don't think that's fair.

Today I just couldn't take it. I felt the breeze skim over me, and wanted to participate in the freedom. I danced and swirled in the fresh air and sunlight, soaking in the light-hearted breath of autumn. I chased circles and twirls of the breeze until my joy was suddenly halted by someone warning me of tangles and messes and Proper Behavior.

So I do what I'm good at.

I enthrall the eyes and incite some desire. I flaunt my curves and make women jealous. And I try to enjoy myself within the confines defined by someone else.

I am too pretty.
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This guest post comes courtesy of My Hair.