There's No Such Thing as a Stupid Question... Right?

So, tell me again...

• Why there is now a bench in the stall of the ladies' room in my building? Because I don't know about you, but I don't invite audiences.
• Why I would be the resident expert on where to get a sympathy pregnancy belly? I can actually get pregnant -- I don't need to sympathize.
• Why toothless babies are way cuter than ones with teeth? Is it because the tooth-ed ones are a little more dangerous, and some part of our subconscious has figured it out?
• Why is Halloween way more awesome as an adult who's dressing up, than it was as a kid who could wear a burlap sack and demand candy wherever the doors open?
• WHY didn't I call in sick so I could attend ZomBCon yesterday?
• How come I don't have a picture in this post? I know pictures are like blog currency, so why am I not paying people to show up here?

What are you asking yourself this Saturday?

Prostitutes and Social Media

Okay. I am officially The Worst Blogger Ever.

I get on a schedule. You guys like me.

I get off the schedule. You guys find The Oatmeal.

How can I compete with The Oatmeal? I don't have a mouse for my laptop -- there's no way I can illustrate punctuation!

Here's what I can do: tweet from under Seattle. Yep, you read that right. If you follow me on Twitter, not only will you get to see the strange things that pass through my head, but this weekend you'll basically be tagging along on the Underground Seattle Tour. This one, though, features prostitutes!

That was a lie. There are no actual prostitutes, just our noble prostitute history. But because it's awesome, I think you should follow me quick to make sure you don't miss out.

Oh, and would you do me a favor? Send me a message and let me know you started following me, so I can follow you, too!

Here's to happy Seattle underground prostitutes and the people who love them!

A Week So Bad a Bumper Sticker Made It Better

It's been one of those weeks.

This is actually one of the best moments... thanks to whoever found this cheesy bumper sticker profound enough to adhere to his or her car.

Disclaimer: I, too, had some terrible bumper stickers on my first car.

Since I'm out of material (thanks, cold virus and hit-and-runner), why don't you tell me in the comments about your "I'm too pretty for this" moments?

I'm Rich, Are You?

Do you have people in your life who makes it soooo much better than it seems logically possible for them to do?

I mean... let's say a person is worth 5 TPFTs (the unit of currency around this blog), and as you add up friends you see your little happiness bank account get fuller and fuller. But then you have this one friend who is magic like compound interest....!

I don't think I mentioned I finally opened a retirement account, did I?

Anyway. My point is, I am apparently a financial friendship genius, because I have several people like that in my life -- and I don't think that's common.

Here are a few of them.


Ace reporter Amy, who makes me food and hands me these never-empty wine glasses (told you: MAGIC). She is also the one who makes me buy the clothes that always end up being my favorites -- without her I'd be naked all the time.


Professor Laura, who now is far too far away from me, but loves me more than I deserve. We were roommates for several years, and she was the one who'd whisk me away when life was overwhelming... and we would just drive until things made sense. Or until we ran out of gas and got hungry. Even though the driving can't happen as often, she's still like a sister who has my back.


Carnie princess Ashley, who helped me survive the travails of grad school and living in a podunk town. Now she's off running an amusement park -- which makes sense, she's super amusing -- but is still the one I think of first when I want to plan a pirate-themed party or crave an extra-special milkshake.

Songbird Renee, who has been my sounding board through many hard moments. She's on my side all the time (even when maybe I don't want to be on my side). She also wrote my theme song. This isn't it, but you should still listen.



So many more people who love me and I love, but these are the first who come to mind. These are the people who are not obligated by blood or money to be around, but do it anyway.

So tell me in the comments: who in your life has enriched you so much more than makes sense? I want to know!