Sunday, August 28, 2011

Helpful Phrases For Small Talk Scenarios

Chit chat. Small talk. It serves a purpose, but there's a reason it makes us yawn and roll our eyes when we think about it. All you're doing is saying the same thing each time, and wasting the precious brain cells you still have by uttering inane comments.

Here is my gift to you: a series of responses that you can memorize and use, allowing your brain to focus on quantum physics or the last episode of Dance Moms. Also, if you get the delivery right, you won't have to worry about making small talk much longer.

Please note: while these are conversations I often have, your experience may vary -- so please feel free to adapt them.

"How are you doing today?"
"[fill in long explanation with unnecessary details and tears]"

"What are your plans for this afternoon?"
See above.

"Your hair is amazing!"
"That's what I said to the last owner."

"You're kind of conceited."

"What great weather we're having!"
"It's a trap -- they want you lulled into a false sense of security before they unleash the zombies."

"Would you like the ravioli packaged to go?"
"No, I plan to grill it immediately -- I hear it tastes best that way."

"So what do you do for a living?"
"I've found eating food and sleeping regularly to be highly successful for me."

"Is that debit or credit?"
"Klout, actually."

"Hi, my name is [name]. It's so great to meet you!"
"It's great to meet you, too. Good thing I won't remember your name, so we can do this again."

Okay, so my idea of "small talk" extends to nearly "all talk." But I find the above responses infinitely helpful in sparing my brain the pain of ordinary responses. Tell me in the comments -- what do you (or have you) said in a common chit chat scenario?


Sara said...

The first two are my favorites by far. My roommate insists on, you know, talking and when he does, Chandler from Friends pops into my brain and screams, "Shut up, shut up, shut UP!"

I think the crying will help minimize this behavior.

I've also found this to be helpful:

Person: How are you today?
Me: Like I care...

Fijufic said...

I have a few screwy things I say that make my wife cringe.

Here is a typical one.

Did you hear Amber was pregnant?
Uh, don't blame me....

Buck said...

Christina, this is yet another enjoyable read. Thanks!

My favorite is when the you see an acquaintance while walking down the street, or bump into them at a sports event, and instead of them just saying “hello”, you get asked this ridiculous question, “hey, what are you up to?” I always respond the same way Norm (from Cheers) did… “My ideal body weight if I was 7 foot 2!” They then look at me and say “Huh?”, and I respond with, “Exactly!” and just keep moving along.

Thanks for sharing. Have a great day!